Planning Your Own Funeral

When you are young with no worries, cares or even any thoughts as to your future, death is the furthest thing from your mind. Only because it is the one topic that is avoided at all costs. When you are young you are taught to live for the moment and that the world is yours for the taking. When you are young each day you learn more about life, people and the world you live in. Unfortunately death is never mentioned.

Parents believe that when you are young that death is something you will ot be able to understand, so it is a topic never mentioned until either a relative or family pet dies. Even then parents sugar coat the situation with these ridiculous stories which still leaves you in the dark. You still have no idea that death is inevitable and can happen to anyone at any age for numerous reasons. Before too long you have gotten a bit older and a bit wiser yet you still have no idea how to understand death and accept death.

When you are young and someone dies, you see adults crying, talking in hushed tones and all dressed in black. You know something is wrong. You see the sadness and you see the pain. You still have no idea what death truly means but you know now that when adults are crying, talking quietly and wearing all black it is a bad thing. You are now afraid of it and fear it.

As you get older you will start to learn more about death simply because a relative, school friend, a teacher or someone else you know has died. You will learn that death takes the young and the old with or without warning. Still because you were not taught at a young age that death is a beautiful thing, you are still afraid of it and fear it.

As you become an adult you will learn so much more about pain, suffering and death. You will have either learned to understand death and embrace it or you will still be in fear and refuse to accept it.

If you can accept the fact that one day you will dance your last waltz, then why not plan your own funeral? After all why would you want anyone else to plan your grand exit?

Planning your own funeral is just like planning any other event. You do alot of research, check out the prices, figure out what you are going to wear, select the music, make the guest list, plan who is going to make a speech ( if there is a need for one ), what day the event will be held and the time. Planning your own funeral is just as simple.

The cemetery is the most important part of planning your own funeral. It is like buying your first home. It takes alot of thought. You may have to go to several cemeteries before you know which is the perfect one for you. This process may take weeks or even a few months before you make your final decision.

Whatever cemetery you have decided to look at make sure that when you visit that you have enough free time to wander around checking everything out. I recommend that you do this alone. Look at the layout of the grounds, Are there lots of trees? How many shady areas? Lots of gardens? Fountains? Walking Paths? etc. Next ask yourself what surrounds the cemetery. Apartments? A Freeway? Mountains? Condos? etc. All this really does matter. Once you have a general idea of how the cemetery of your choice is designed and what surrounds it, the next step is to start looking in the area of the cemetery that you loved the most. The area that you felt at absolute peace in and as though you belonged. Now that you have decided on which area or section that catches your attention, go back to that area and start looking at the graves that are already there. Look at the headstones, what is written on them, the dates that they were born and died, what types of flowers are placed on them, if any and who is buried next to whom. You will in a matter of minutes know how old the section is, if it is mostly family plots, if it is a variety, if it is a popular section, a section that is visited often, visited now and then or one that is secluded. Again you will think about if this is the spot, section or area for you. Once you have found the perfect place for you, again you will need to look at the already existing graves, the headstones, what they say and whom you would like to be buried next to. Yes your neighbor's name will be important. You may not know a thing about then but their name is what will inspire you when it comes to choosing exactly what corner of the earth you want to call your last destination.

Now that you have decided upon the cemetery that will be your last known residence for all eternity and the area of the cemetery that you would love to take your last waltz, you will need to stop by the main office and talk to the Funeral Director. Tell them exactly what you want. Discuss prices etc. Gather all the necessary information. If you are satisfied, have no doubts then do not hesitate to buy your burial plot. If you are still not sure about planning your last ball, it is best to go home and think about it while you are alone and have no other distractions. I also suggest you do not dicuss your plans with anyone else. Most people that plan funerals for a loved one, plan it according to what they would want and not always what the dearly departed would have wanted!!! Remember you have planned everything else in your life so far so why not your grand finale?

After writing my first Hub and then publishing it, I started to think about how I never mentioned why I came to the conclusion that Planning Your Own Funeral is a wise decision. So I will start again. Thanks for your patience.

Planning Your Own Funeral

For many years now I have been visiting numerous graveyards. I have spent countless hours walking the grounds, reading the headstones, admiring how elaborate the gravesite is or how plain it is, looking at the people that are visiting a loved one's grave, watching funerals take place from a distance and looking at what decorations people place upon graves. At times I am amazed, deeply touched, disappointed or down right disgusted. I came to the conclusion after years of research that 90% of the people that have passed on did not plan their own funeral. Walk around a graveyard and you will understand what I am talking about.

When a person passes on, either the survivng spouse, a child, a sister, a cousin or another relative will take on the responsibility of planning the funeral. Usually the person that takes charge is the controlling one of the family that wants everything their way, complains about the stress, talks non-stop about the costs and yet still wants to be told by everyone that the funeral was just beautiful. The person that plans the funeral does not think about the deceased and what they would like, want or prefer. The funeral is planned according to what they like and want. It becomes about them not the deceased. They pick everything that is going to happen from A to Z. Why allow anyone to do that? Planning your own funeral assures you that your final wishes and desires will be met according to what you want. After all this is going to be your last tango so do it your way. Take matters into your own hands.

If you leave your funeral plans in the hands of others the possibilities of what could happen is endless. For instance: the outfit they may have you dressed in may not have been your favorite, something that was comfortable or may not even reflect your personality. The way your hair or make up is done may have guests thinking you look like a wax doll, so not like you at all or even looking like a clown. The flowers chosen may be a flower that you do not like, or do not like the color of or even the smell of. The casket or urn selected may be way to expensive, a price you would never pay or it may be very plain and cheap again something that you would have not chosen. So why leave someone other than yourself to plan your own funeral? The day that you dock your ship for the very last time should only be arranged by you and you alone. Another thing to seriously consider when someone plans your funeral is what are they going to have printed on your headstone. A major issue. For me it is a huge problem. I have been in graveyards with over thirty thousand graves in it and around 95% of the headstones say things such as beloved, adoring, so loved, the most wonderful, the best etc. along with numerous verses from the bible. PLEASE!!!!! Not everyone that is buried there can be referred to as such let alone be a devout christian to boot. I just want to scream when I read some of these headstones. Some headstones even have pictures or a picture of the deceased. I have actually seen pictures that are of when the person was three yet died at the age of forty five. WHAT?? Or the picture of when the deceased was well into their prime. I have often stood in front of the grave and asked so Mary would you have chosen this picture? Are you truly beloved? Or Mary did you want your entire life's achievements along with the list of all your husbands engraved on your headstone so that when anyone visits not only does it take them 5 minutes to read it but they know your personal life as well? I know without a doubt of hesitation that if Mary had planned her own funeral her headstone would have turned out so different. Yet whoever planned the funeral did everything their way and gave the deceased absolutely no thought at all. So if you do not plan your own funeral some of these blunders could happen to you. Why take a chance? Also you need to remember that if you do not plan your own funeral, whoever is in charge, wants to get you buried quickly and really puts no thought or effort into finding the perfect spot to call your final resting place. I have seen many graves right next to the sprinkler systems. These graves are always flooded, you can hardly read the headstone and when the water dries up the headstone is usually covered in mud. Next the grave buried right beside the big oak tree always has damage due to the tree roots. They are either cracked or lifting up right out of the ground. There will be other areas in the graveyard that are also not suitable but unless you take the time to plan your own funeral you could end up like some of the others. Is that what you want? Planning your own funeral is all that it takes to ensure that when you are tap dancing your way across the stars, you left this earth on your terms.

I hope that I now gave you a better understanding as to why I want to write about How To Plan Your Own Funeral. Just know that it is not morbid.

In yesterday's hub I talked about the first most important step when you are starting to make plans. The cemetery is your first priority. You may want to read it again or just glance through it to refresh your memory. I hope that you will take the time to visit a cemetery of your liking and consider my advice.